I am twenty-two years old and I have never had a boyfriend before. As I look back on my life, all the boys I was attracted to when I was younger and all the men I have had a crush on as a grown woman had never approached me to ask me out on a date. You may be thinking, “So why don’t you be the one to take action to get their attention?” The answer is that I have tried that before but ended up not getting the response I wanted. Instead, I have had boys and men of whom I was not interested in, step out in boldness in efforts to grab my attention. This prompts the question in my mind: “Why are the only guys who have approached me, the ones who I took no interest in or/and the ones I knew for sure that they were not the ones God had for me in His plan?”
From youth up to now, out of all of the boys and men I liked, none of them have pursued me. Especially as a single woman today, with most of my friends being in a romantic relationship, there are some days when I see them in their relationships and it can be difficult for me because I really want to know when my time to be in a romantic relationship will come. To be honest, it is a hard thing to wait upon the Lord and even harder when only those of whom I am not interested in, flirt or put themselves out there to let me know that they like me.
The following are going to be some true recent stories that I want to share of the wrong men who tried to have a spot in my life. Of course I will not call them out by name and I will not mention the name of the places these men worked at:
THE RECEPTIONIST AT A RESTAURANT
One night, last year, dad and my sister Jasmine picked me up from university. We usually go out to eat after they pick me up from school. That night we decided to dine at a restaurant closer to our house. We entered the restaurant and from the time the receptionist seated us to the time we left the building to head back home, I noticed the receptionist was attracted to me. I didn’t want to mention anything to dad and Jasmine because I didn’t want to bring attention to what I was noticing. A few minutes into dinner, Jasmine brought it up that the receptionist kept on looking at me whenever he would pass by, seating guests at tables near the one I was sitting at. Little did I know that Jasmine was noticing similar things to what I was noticing! When we went up to the front counter to pay for our meal, I saw from the corner of my eye that he was looking at the back of me. He then took out a piece of paper, wrote something down on it, gave the piece of paper to Jasmine, and told her give the piece of paper to me. He watched me as I left out the doors and said, “Have a good one, guys!” On our way to our car, Jasmine handed the piece of paper to me. When I unfolded it, written down was the receptionist’s name, “text me” with a smiley face next to the words, and his phone number. I threw his note away and did not end up texting him.
THE MANAGER AT A GROCERY STORE
This Sunday, I went grocery shopping with my family. I thought I was alone in the isle I was in but apparently I was not. I was focused on reading the description on one of the chocolates wrappers until I heard someone compliment me from behind. I turned around and the person who complimented me was a man who worked at the market, holding several food items. He gave me two compliments saying that he liked the key chain on my purse and my adidas superstar shoes. I said, “Thank you,” thinking he was going to walk away and leave me alone to shop after that but I was wrong. He stayed to ask me how I was doing, introduced himself (that was how I came to know his name and that he was the manager of the market), shook my hand, and told me to come to him if I needed anything or had a question.
I thought he was just being friendly and nice, but it turned out that he saw me in another way. I departed from him and met my family at the register. Mom purchased a peach tree but there was no bar code on it and when the cashier typed in the item number, the item did not go through or appear on the screen. Since the cashier was having difficulties, they called the manager to come over. He came, solved the problem, and ended up selling the tree to mom for a cheaper price.
Mom is a talkative person and sometimes she says a little too much. She told the manager that we shop at their market a lot because it is the one closest to my school. The manager replied to mom by asking, “Which one of your daughters goes to school near here?” while he was looking at me and my sisters, but looking at me the longest. Mom pointed to me and said, “She does.” He reacted with a smile, turned to mom, and said, “She’s pretty.” I pretended like I didn’t hear what he said and tried to keep myself busy by organizing the things in our cart from not so far away and saying random things to my sisters. The manager attempted to get my email when he told mom that she should get me to sign up for the market’s email list so that I can receive coupons. My mom goes, “Oh yeah, you should ask her.” I ended up not giving him my email because I told him that I was already on their email list ha
THE NEIGHBOR, THE GUEST, AND THE HIGH SCHOOL ALUMNUS
These three used social media to get a hold of me.
My neighbor from last year was graduating from university soon. We’ve never had a conversation in person but he followed me on instagram, added me on snapchat, and added me on facebook where he was contacting me through facebook messenger. He often asked me to hang out with him but I wasn’t interested. Based on what I saw on his snapchat stories and open curtains, he would spend a lot of time playing video games. Also, my roommate and I were sometimes scared by outbursts and yelling curse words coming out of the mouth of our neighbor because of an unwanted outcome while playing his video game. It happened a lot of times throughout both semesters when we were his neighbors. I’m pretty sure I even remember him saying the Lord’s name in vain… I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure I remember. When I think of a godly man, I don’t think of one who curses (Ephesians 4:29, Colossians 3:8, Proverbs 13:3, Exodus 20:7).
One day on winter break, there was a guest who I met at the place that I work at. One night I received a message that he sent to me through facebook messenger, asking me if he could see me after I was done working. He gave me the location in which he lived and wanted me to meet him at his apartment. He also gave me his number and told me to text him. First of all, him wanting me to go to his apartment at night where he could get me alone did not sound right; it sounded sketchy. Plus, we barely even knew each other! I didn’t know for sure what his intentions were. Red flag. I stopped responding to his messages.
The next man is someone who went to the same high school as me, and is someone who graduated high school at the same time as me. Just like the neighbor and the guest, he sent me messages through facebook messenger, except he was really charming by the way he was talking to me and he asked me if he could take me out on a date.
It got creepy when he invited me to meet him at his beach house which he had all to himself for the day. Just like my situation with the guest, high school alumnus and I barely knew each other and trying to get me alone at his living space? Ummm NO. I talked to one of my sister’s about him and she said that he’s been talking to one of her friends too and it was around the same time he was talking to me! High school alumnus was someone who I’ve seen in person on our high school’s campus but I don’t remember ever speaking to him in person before. He was one of the popular students or who were considered the “cool kids” at school, and I was not. Based on what I saw on his facebook, he was a baseball player and model.
Not only do I have him on facebook, but I also have him on snapchat and it’s come to the point where I don’t watch his stories anymore because they have been the strangest I’ve seen so far. He smokes, cusses, takes weird pictures and records himself doing and saying strange things. If you were to watch his stories, they might not seem strange to you, but they are to me. He’s been trying to chat with me on snapchat but so far I’ve been ignoring them. It’s sad because he had a lot going on for him with university and being a baseball athlete especially. He has a job now which is a good thing but to see the way he talks and acts based on his snapchat stories and other posts; I wish he were a better man.
With only the wrong men for me so far, trying to get me to be with them, I must continue to hold on to the truth that I am worthy and deserving of God’s best. I won’t die down my expectations. It’s just a blurry view when there has been no godly man who I’m attracted to, pursuing me. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that that time will actually come where God will bring the man I’ve been praying for, into my life. My future man will reach out to me someday; it’s just not now apparently. God is saying to me, “Not now, dear.” Until then, I pray for patience and I will continue praying for my future boyfriend. All of the situations I’ve been in with the wrong men chasing after me, have made me uncomfortable. They gave me the attention I did not want mainly because I knew they weren’t from God. With that said, I also pray for protection. As of now, I’m working on being the godly woman who a single godly man out there is praying for.
X O ,
T I N A